I've thought over and over about how I wanted to start this post. This will be the first time I have talked about this openly and it is difficult, but I know that I am not the only one to struggle with this, so I know that I need to post about it to give others hope. So here goes.
For years now, I have struggled on and off with depression. I have always been known as someone who is happy and cheerful by everyone who knows me. I have suffered within myself with depression for years and have been able to mask it with a cheery disposition. Only more recently have I been able to share openly with the people who love me most about how I am feeling and only recently have I found peace and genuine joy within myself.
I have tried to overcome this on my own for years and have never been able to. But that's the thing about depression: it isolates you and makes you feel ashamed so that you feel like you have to do it on your own, when in reality, you don't! Satan loves it when someone is depressed. When someone is depressed, they are keeping their true thoughts and feelings to themselves...and that gives Satan a foothold and a place to enter your mind. When you aren't open about how you are feeling, you think things that you wouldn't normally think and you may even contemplate things that you wouldn't normally contemplate and no one is able to speak truth where those lies are. This is where Satan comes in. He takes advantage of your brokenness and your vulnerability and your isolation. He creeps things into your thoughts that you start to believe about yourself that are NOT true. "I'm not good enough." "I can't do anything right." "No one really cares." "I've tried so many times and I never get it right. What's the point." The point that Satan gets ingrained in your head is just that: What's the point? You see, Satan WANTS you to feel hopeless. He WANTS you to feel like no one cares. He WANTS you to have all of these thoughts in your head that aren't true...because then he has succeeded. What he doesn't want you to feel is HOPE and LOVE and PEACE and JOY because those are things of God. He wants to separate every part of you from God...and if he can get a hold of your thoughts and your mind, then he has power over you. We cannot allow that to happen.
What I have learned recently is that how we feel about ourselves is very important because our thoughts are powerful. Our mind is such a powerful tool...as are emotions. If you constantly have bad thoughts about yourself then that is how you will see yourself. Instead of seeing yourself as a Child of God who is loved without reserve, you are seeing yourself as a failure, worthless. That is NOT the truth. Those thoughts are thoughts of the devil and things that he wants you to think because it isolates you and helps to separate you from Jesus. However, I would like to point out that there is no where that you can go, no distance far enough from God that He will not be there for you to turn to. He will rescue you from everything if you turn to Him and ask Him for help.
I had been stuck in a pit of thinking about myself in the most negative way for a long time. I would base my worth on how well I was able to do things. If I fell behind on the dishes, I was a failure. If the house was messy for too long, I was worthless. If I didn't make good meals for my family, I wasn't good enough for them. If my kids and I were in our jammies all day at home, I was lazy. These are the things that I have thought about myself for so long, that I started to believe them. I judged my worth in this life on how I did things. I felt like there was no point in trying to improve in things anymore because, well, I'd failed every other time I'd tried to improve...so why set myself up for disappointment. I wasn't even giving myself a chance. I'd failed before I'd even tried. The thing is: When you are trying to improve on something, you are NEVER perfect from the start. There will be times when you fail and let yourself down...and that's okay because that is NORMAL! What you have to do is give yourself a little grace and encouragement! You can try again and you will succeed and see progress if you believe in yourself.
I have found a way to beat my depression. Negative thoughts used to rule my self-worth...but not anymore. I am worth the effort to try again and again and to see myself succeed. I AM WORTH IT. I am worth so much more than my successes and failures because JESUS DIED FOR ME so that I could be free in Him. FREE IN HIM. He is the source of my freedom from depression. He is the one who has lifted me out of the dark pit I used to live in. I do not need to base my worth on what I think of myself or really, even what anyone else thinks of me. I base my worth on what JESUS thinks of me! What does He think of me? He thinks I am lovely. He thinks I am worth dying for. He thinks I am WORTH pursuing...for as long as it takes. He thinks I am precious. He thinks I am worthy of joy and peace and His comfort because HE LOVES ME. What I have thought about myself were lies. What Jesus thinks about me is truth...the ONLY truth that matters.
Say it with me: I am worth it. I am lovely. I am precious to God. I am loved. I deserve to be joyful. I deserve to have His peace and comfort because He died so that I could live...and having Christ's joy, peace, and comfort IS living.
When I feel those thoughts of inadequacy creeping into my mind, I remind myself of all of the things that God thinks of me...the things that really matter. I also am learning to communicate how I am feeling to the people that love me most. It isn't easy to be so open with someone about your feelings about yourself or what you are going through, but it is important to get it out of your head. Getting it out of your head and sharing it with someone who loves you is important because that eliminates the isolation factor of how you feel about yourself. Our thoughts are powerful. Our thoughts can either empower us to achieve great things, or they can tear us down until we feel hopeless and worthless. God is bigger than this. He is more powerful than this. With His help, we can overcome depression and anything else standing in our way.
It is a daily battle. I still get disappointed in myself for messing up again, but I reassure myself that I am worth trying again and succeeding. Jesus is my strength and the only way to make it through every day with my head held high and my self-worth held even higher because of WHO I get my worth from.
This is not about being prideful in the fact that I have it all together, because I DO NOT HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER. This is about accepting who I am in Christ and overcoming obstacles that try to redirect where I get my worth from. This is not about thinking that I am better than anyone else. This is about being secure in who I am and knowing what Christ thinks about me. Christ gives me power over depression and gives me fuel to overcome negative thoughts with what He says about me.
I am strong (in Christ). I can succeed (with His help). I am powerful (with His strength). I am worth it (because He died for me). And so are you.
Thursday, March 13, 2014
Friday, January 17, 2014
Learning How to Cherish Every Moment
Hey Friends,
Tonight I got to hang out with my brother-in-law and two of my sisters-in-law. I made them a dinner of chicken sandwiches and french fries...with ketchup of course (except for Alyssa who did NOT want ketchup on her plate). They played with Clayton and had a blast hanging out. Here's something I bet you didn't know though: my brother-in-law is 3, and my sisters-in-law are 3 and 6! So, yes, I was babysitting tonight, but it was really a fun time! Now, if my other brother and sisters-in-law were to come over (they are around my age and just a few years younger than me), I probably would not be making them chicken sandwiches and french fries for dinner. Haha.
It is really nice that Clayton has friends his age to play with. When he saw their car pull up, he got so excited and started running around yelling, "My friends are here!" It's the sweetest thing. He loves his aunties and uncle...and they allfight play like cousins anyways!
After they went home, I got Clayton ready for bed. As he was getting in his bed, he asked, "Snug wiff me pease mommy?" At first I was thinking that I'd just sit next to him until he fell asleep so I could go and relax on the couch and do my own thing for the rest of the night....but then (thanks to a reminder by my husband) I realized that my boy wanted to snuggle with me because he loves me and he wants to be close to me. How often during the day do I get a chance to snuggle with my crazy busy and active toddler? Ummm...if he gets his way, not very often at all. I decided to take advantage of this sweet time in his life where he wants his mommy and his daddy to snuggle with him. It won't be very long before he just wants to go to bed by himself...and then I know I'll miss it! I can allow myself to slow down a bit and enjoy these times where all he wants sometimes is to be snuggled close.
I love my boy so much and he already has grown up so much that I can't even believe it. I blinked...and there time flew! Same goes for Chloe. She is only 3 1/2 months old and I cannot believe how fast she is growing up. I'm so happy, proud, and blessed to be able to spend my days with my kids, teaching them, loving them, helping them grow, and enjoying every moment and EVERY snuggle every day.
Here's to cherishing every moment with our little ones!
xoxo Katie
Tonight I got to hang out with my brother-in-law and two of my sisters-in-law. I made them a dinner of chicken sandwiches and french fries...with ketchup of course (except for Alyssa who did NOT want ketchup on her plate). They played with Clayton and had a blast hanging out. Here's something I bet you didn't know though: my brother-in-law is 3, and my sisters-in-law are 3 and 6! So, yes, I was babysitting tonight, but it was really a fun time! Now, if my other brother and sisters-in-law were to come over (they are around my age and just a few years younger than me), I probably would not be making them chicken sandwiches and french fries for dinner. Haha.
It is really nice that Clayton has friends his age to play with. When he saw their car pull up, he got so excited and started running around yelling, "My friends are here!" It's the sweetest thing. He loves his aunties and uncle...and they all
After they went home, I got Clayton ready for bed. As he was getting in his bed, he asked, "Snug wiff me pease mommy?" At first I was thinking that I'd just sit next to him until he fell asleep so I could go and relax on the couch and do my own thing for the rest of the night....but then (thanks to a reminder by my husband) I realized that my boy wanted to snuggle with me because he loves me and he wants to be close to me. How often during the day do I get a chance to snuggle with my crazy busy and active toddler? Ummm...if he gets his way, not very often at all. I decided to take advantage of this sweet time in his life where he wants his mommy and his daddy to snuggle with him. It won't be very long before he just wants to go to bed by himself...and then I know I'll miss it! I can allow myself to slow down a bit and enjoy these times where all he wants sometimes is to be snuggled close.
I love my boy so much and he already has grown up so much that I can't even believe it. I blinked...and there time flew! Same goes for Chloe. She is only 3 1/2 months old and I cannot believe how fast she is growing up. I'm so happy, proud, and blessed to be able to spend my days with my kids, teaching them, loving them, helping them grow, and enjoying every moment and EVERY snuggle every day.
Here's to cherishing every moment with our little ones!
xoxo Katie
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Orecchiette with Broccoli, Tomatoes, and Sausage
Hey Friends,
Tonight I will be making something that sounds wayyyy more extravagant than it really is. The name is: Orecchiette with Broccoli, Tomatoes, and Sausage (picture of recipe below). Orecchiette is just a type of pasta, so once you get past that, it's basically the easiest thing ever.
I've started with warming 1T of olive oil in a skillet and then adding 2T of minced garlic. The recipe actually calls for 2 cloves of garlic, finely chopped, but all I had was minced garlic in a jar, so that is the substitution. After you can smell that garlic starting to cook, add Italian Sausage and cook it until no longer pink. Be prepared that if your husband walks in when you are at this stage, he will want to eat dinner right here and now...that's how good it smells!
Here's the part where you add a can of diced tomatoes and its juice to the skillet. Also, add a dusting of salt and pepper. Stir occassionally until most of the juice has evaporated and the sauce has thickened (about 10 minutes...we'll see!)
The recipe says to start boiling your water for the pasta NOW, but I have learned that 4 quarts of water takes longer than just a couple minutes to boil, so I started boiling it at the very beginning...and low and behold, it still isn't boiling. So I'd recommend starting your water before anything else.
INTERMISSION:
I just found my husband and son in the backyard raking leaves. This is what I saw when I stepped on the back porch!
Okay, back to the recipe! My water still isn't boiling, so I am going to start cooking my broccoli. The recipe says to use 4 cups of small broccoli florets, but I am just using a steamable bag of broccoli to make it easier. Popping it in the microwave NOW!
My tomato sauce is finished and I'm still waiting for my water to boil, so I'm turning off the burner under the skillet so it doesn't overcook. After my pasta is done cooking, all I have to do is add the broccoli and then the tomato and sausage sauce to the pasta pot and the meal is finished! You can sprinkle shredded Parmesan cheese on it immediately before serving if you like, but I didn't have any, so I decided not to.
The only thing that I would change about this recipe is the pasta to sauce/veggies ratio. There was way more pasta than the rest, so reducing the pasta from an entire 16oz box to 3/4 of the box I think would solve that problem...but it really is a matter of preference. Other than that it was delicious!! :)
Tips:
*Start water boiling first thing.
*Use whole wheat pasta to enhance nutritional value.
*Adding a little chopped onion in with the garlic would be fantastic.
*Serve with garlic bread.
xoxo Katie
Tonight I will be making something that sounds wayyyy more extravagant than it really is. The name is: Orecchiette with Broccoli, Tomatoes, and Sausage (picture of recipe below). Orecchiette is just a type of pasta, so once you get past that, it's basically the easiest thing ever.
I've started with warming 1T of olive oil in a skillet and then adding 2T of minced garlic. The recipe actually calls for 2 cloves of garlic, finely chopped, but all I had was minced garlic in a jar, so that is the substitution. After you can smell that garlic starting to cook, add Italian Sausage and cook it until no longer pink. Be prepared that if your husband walks in when you are at this stage, he will want to eat dinner right here and now...that's how good it smells!Here's the part where you add a can of diced tomatoes and its juice to the skillet. Also, add a dusting of salt and pepper. Stir occassionally until most of the juice has evaporated and the sauce has thickened (about 10 minutes...we'll see!) The recipe says to start boiling your water for the pasta NOW, but I have learned that 4 quarts of water takes longer than just a couple minutes to boil, so I started boiling it at the very beginning...and low and behold, it still isn't boiling. So I'd recommend starting your water before anything else.
INTERMISSION:
I just found my husband and son in the backyard raking leaves. This is what I saw when I stepped on the back porch!
Okay, back to the recipe! My water still isn't boiling, so I am going to start cooking my broccoli. The recipe says to use 4 cups of small broccoli florets, but I am just using a steamable bag of broccoli to make it easier. Popping it in the microwave NOW!
My tomato sauce is finished and I'm still waiting for my water to boil, so I'm turning off the burner under the skillet so it doesn't overcook. After my pasta is done cooking, all I have to do is add the broccoli and then the tomato and sausage sauce to the pasta pot and the meal is finished! You can sprinkle shredded Parmesan cheese on it immediately before serving if you like, but I didn't have any, so I decided not to.
The only thing that I would change about this recipe is the pasta to sauce/veggies ratio. There was way more pasta than the rest, so reducing the pasta from an entire 16oz box to 3/4 of the box I think would solve that problem...but it really is a matter of preference. Other than that it was delicious!! :)Tips:
*Start water boiling first thing.
*Use whole wheat pasta to enhance nutritional value.
*Adding a little chopped onion in with the garlic would be fantastic.
*Serve with garlic bread.
xoxo KatieWednesday, January 15, 2014
Leftovers....mmmmm....
Hey Friends,
We ordered wayyyyyy too much pizza last night and are still eating it! I'm pretty sure it will be on the menu for lunch tomorrow too. Clayton, on the other hand, has only wanted to eatcheetos "cheenos" all day long. We managed to squeeze a peanut butter sandwich and some cereal in between all the "cheenos". Some days, it just isn't worth getting all up in a huff about. He gets his nutrition some way or another...ohhhh the joys of picky toddlers!
On the plus side, we finally managed to get to the store today!! Yay us! It only took three days and two hours to get out the door, but we did it!
I ordered a piano book today so that I can start teaching myself again. I actually was able to find the books that I grew up playing on on Amazon.com. It's going to arrive on Friday and I am SO excited! I love the feeling of making music...especially since I have my very own piano that was given to me by my Grandma! I cannot wait to fill the house with music and to improve my skills. I also would like to start teaching piano lessons sometime in the future, so I've got to improve on my music reading and sight reading skills! If you know anyone who wants to start their kids in piano lessons, let me know!
Anyways, since I got a bit of school done this afternoon (thanks to a 3.5 hour toddler nap!!!), I get to relax tonight after Clayton goes to bed...and maybe play Cory's new game with him on the Wii U! It's Scribblenauts Unmasked! Can't wait for some fun time playing games together! Happy evening to everyone.
xoxo Katie
We ordered wayyyyyy too much pizza last night and are still eating it! I'm pretty sure it will be on the menu for lunch tomorrow too. Clayton, on the other hand, has only wanted to eat
On the plus side, we finally managed to get to the store today!! Yay us! It only took three days and two hours to get out the door, but we did it!
I ordered a piano book today so that I can start teaching myself again. I actually was able to find the books that I grew up playing on on Amazon.com. It's going to arrive on Friday and I am SO excited! I love the feeling of making music...especially since I have my very own piano that was given to me by my Grandma! I cannot wait to fill the house with music and to improve my skills. I also would like to start teaching piano lessons sometime in the future, so I've got to improve on my music reading and sight reading skills! If you know anyone who wants to start their kids in piano lessons, let me know!
Anyways, since I got a bit of school done this afternoon (thanks to a 3.5 hour toddler nap!!!), I get to relax tonight after Clayton goes to bed...and maybe play Cory's new game with him on the Wii U! It's Scribblenauts Unmasked! Can't wait for some fun time playing games together! Happy evening to everyone.
xoxo Katie
Tuesday, January 14, 2014
Pizza and Movie Night!
Hey Friends,
Sometimes there are days that are so exhausting that even making a quick and easy dinner doesn't seem possible. Today is one of those days. Days like today make me very thankful for a few things: God's forgiveness, my family's understanding and love, and....Domino's Pizza Delivery! Tomorrow is a new day and another chance to work on my patience with my kids. Hopefully, tonight will provide a good nights sleep so I can wake up refreshed. Maybe we'll actually make it to the grocery store tomorrow!
Right now, we are watching youtube music videos on our TV of our favorite youtube artists. Peter Hollens' cover of Ed Sheeran's "I See Fire" is currently playing...and my toddler is dancing on the couch and imitating the motions that Peter is making in the video. Seeing my son be silly even though he has been having a rough day makes me smile.
So, for tonight, we are ordering Domino's...it will be here in about 20 minutes, and I am so excited!! It is going to be a special night for us because we are also going to watch a movie that Clayton got for Christmas: Ice Age! I'm very much looking forward to having a fun family evening after a rough day.
I am sure that tomorrow will be better and I will actually have some recipe to post about! Thanks for reading! I hope your evening is enjoyable.
xoxo Katie
Sometimes there are days that are so exhausting that even making a quick and easy dinner doesn't seem possible. Today is one of those days. Days like today make me very thankful for a few things: God's forgiveness, my family's understanding and love, and....Domino's Pizza Delivery! Tomorrow is a new day and another chance to work on my patience with my kids. Hopefully, tonight will provide a good nights sleep so I can wake up refreshed. Maybe we'll actually make it to the grocery store tomorrow!
Right now, we are watching youtube music videos on our TV of our favorite youtube artists. Peter Hollens' cover of Ed Sheeran's "I See Fire" is currently playing...and my toddler is dancing on the couch and imitating the motions that Peter is making in the video. Seeing my son be silly even though he has been having a rough day makes me smile.
So, for tonight, we are ordering Domino's...it will be here in about 20 minutes, and I am so excited!! It is going to be a special night for us because we are also going to watch a movie that Clayton got for Christmas: Ice Age! I'm very much looking forward to having a fun family evening after a rough day.
I am sure that tomorrow will be better and I will actually have some recipe to post about! Thanks for reading! I hope your evening is enjoyable.
xoxo Katie
Monday, January 13, 2014
Pan Fried Pork Tenderloin
Hey Friends,
I had a busy day today catching up on laundry from our trip, dishes, andchasing playing with the kids. All I thought to do for dinner all day was to thaw some thin sliced pork tenderloin in the refrigerator.
At dinner time, I decided that I needed something really easy and quick because I was tired and still had more clothes to fold. I found a package of rice and noodles with spices in it...it was one of those ones that was BBQ flavored and all it took was boiling the stuff in water and then simmering it for 7 minutes.
While the rice mixture was cooking, I melted some butter in a hot skillet and added some minced garlic. Once it was smelling quite nice, I added the thinly sliced pork tenderloin and cooked them for a few minutes on each side.
To finish off my easy meal, I grabbed a steamable package of frozen corn on the cob and popped it in the microwave for a few minutes and put some crescent rolls in the oven.
It took all of about 25 minutes to assemble this really quick and easy meal. It was really yummy and fairly well-rounded (nutrition wise). It was the perfect thing after a tiring day full of house chores and chasing kids. I didn't follow a recipe (again, sorry!), but like I said, it was really easy to do! :)
xoxo Katie
I had a busy day today catching up on laundry from our trip, dishes, and
At dinner time, I decided that I needed something really easy and quick because I was tired and still had more clothes to fold. I found a package of rice and noodles with spices in it...it was one of those ones that was BBQ flavored and all it took was boiling the stuff in water and then simmering it for 7 minutes.
While the rice mixture was cooking, I melted some butter in a hot skillet and added some minced garlic. Once it was smelling quite nice, I added the thinly sliced pork tenderloin and cooked them for a few minutes on each side.
To finish off my easy meal, I grabbed a steamable package of frozen corn on the cob and popped it in the microwave for a few minutes and put some crescent rolls in the oven.
It took all of about 25 minutes to assemble this really quick and easy meal. It was really yummy and fairly well-rounded (nutrition wise). It was the perfect thing after a tiring day full of house chores and chasing kids. I didn't follow a recipe (again, sorry!), but like I said, it was really easy to do! :)
xoxo Katie
Meatball Stuffed Shells!
Hey Friends,
Onto my second blog post about something I love: Food! Tonight for dinner is Meatball Stuffed Shells. Yum. I got a box of jumbo shells from the store and made them according to the directions. I've never made them before, so I cooked them a tad too long and some fell apart, but I had plenty that made the boiling voyage, so that was fine.
I rinsed the shells in cold water until they weren't too hot to handle anymore. Then I was able to shove a meatball into each shell without burning my fingers off. I placed the shells in a 13x9 casserole dish with some pasta sauce covering the bottom.
Once all the meatballs were in place, I used the rest of my pasta sauce and covered the shells.
Then I "sprinkled" mozzarella cheese all over the top.
We. Love. Our. Cheese.
These were the meatballs that I used. They were in the frozen section of Walmart. Pretty easy to find.
Baked for 35 minutes with foil covering it and then took the foil off and baked for about 10 minutes more.
xoxo Katie
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